STEP EIGHT
In the previous steps; we began to make peace with our Higher Power and with ourselves. In the Eighth Step, we begin the process of making peace with others.
By acting on our character defects, we inflicted harm on ourselves and those around us. In the Seventh Step. we asked our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings. However, in order to gain true freedom from our defects, we need to accept responsibility for them. We need to do whatever we can to repair the harm we've done. In Step Eight, we begin to rectify our wrongs. We begin to accept responsibility for our actions by listing all the people we have harmed and by becoming willing to make amends to them all.
While our efforts to make amends may make a difference in the lives of those we have harmed, this process has its greatest impact on our own lives. Our objective is to begin clearing away the damage we've done so that we can continue with our spiritual awakening. By the time we work our way through the process of making amends, we will surely be astounded by the level of freedom we feel.
We are involved in a process designed to free us from our past so that we are able to live fully in the present. Many of us are haunted by memories of our mistreatment of others. Those memories can creep up on us without warning. Our shame and remorse over our past actions are so deep that these recollections can cause us to feel unbearable guilt. We want to be free of such guilt. We begin by making a list of the people we've harmed.
Just thinking about our list may frighten us. We may be afraid that we've done so much damage that we can never repair it, or we may be afraid of facing the people we've harmed. We find ourselves wondering how our amends will be received. Our most hopeful projections probably entail being absolved of any wrongdoing. Our most nightmarish expectations may involve someone refusing to accept our amends, preferring instead to take revenge. Most of us have fairly vivid imaginations. but this is not the time to get ahead of ourselves. We must avoid projections. either negative or positive, about actually making our amends. We are on the Eighth Step. not the Ninth Step. At this point. making a list and becoming willing to make amends are our only concerns.
Working the previous steps has prepared us for the willingness we need to begin the Eighth Step. We've honestly assessed the exact nature of our wrongs and examined how our actions affected others. It was not easy to admit our wrongs. We had to believe in a Power that would supply us with courage and love us through the pain involved in reviewing the results of our addiction. The same honesty and courage we called upon as we wrote our inventory and shared it are just as vital in making our amends list. We've been practicing these principles all along and are quite familiar with them. The Eighth Step is simply a continuation of our efforts to find freedom by applying spiritual principles.
Making the list and becoming willing may be difficult unless we overcome our resentments. Most of us owe amends to at least one person who has also harmed us. Perhaps we haven't truly forgiven that person yet and find we are very reluctant to put her or his name on our list. However, we must. We are responsible for our actions. We make amends because we owe them. We must let go of resentments and focus on our part in the conflicts in our lives. We won't get better and be able to live the spiritual life we are seeking if we are still in the grip of self-obsession. We let go of our expectations, and we let go of blaming anyone for our actions. Our idea that we have been a victim must go. In the Eighth Step. we are not concerned with what others have done to us. We are concerned only with accepting responsibility for what we've done to others.
If we still bear anger toward some of the people in our past. we will need to practice the spiritual principle of forgiveness. Our ability to forgive comes from our ability to accept and be compassionate with ourselves. However, if we have difficulty, we can ask our Higher Power for help. We pray for whatever it takes to become willing to forgive. We've begun to accept ourselves as we are. Now we begin to accept others as they are.
In developing a list of all the people, places, and institutions to whom we owe amends, we may wish to review our Fourth Step. If we've done a thorough Fourth Step, it should clearly outline our part in the conflicts in our lives and show how we harmed others by acting on our defects of character. We find the people we wounded with our dishonesty, the people we stole from or cheated, the people who were on the receiving end of our wrongs. We also take note of how we harmed society as a whole and add that to our list. We may have drained community resources, exhibited offensive behavior in public, or refused to contribute to the general welfare.
Although we may find the majority of our amends list from reviewing our Fourth Step. Step Eight isn't simply a restatement of our inventory. We are now looking for the people. places. and institutions we harmed, not just the types of harm we inflicted. We didn't just lie; we lied to someone. We didn't just steal; we stole from various people.
The writing we did on our Fourth Step is not the only source of help we will be given in compiling our amends list. Our sponsor can also help us. When we shared our inventory, our sponsor helped us focus on the exact nature of our wrongs. Our sponsor's insight helped us see how we had wounded people by acting on our character defects; that same insight will now help us determine who actually belongs on our amends list.
Many of us had trouble seeing how we had harmed ourselves and may have been surprised when other addicts suggested that we add our own name to the list. Many of us have gone to extremes in matters of accepting responsibility for ourselves. Some of us have had a tendency to deny any responsibility, while others have taken on total blame for every disagreement. As we talk with our sponsor and other addicts, our flawed perceptions begin to fall away and we find the clarity we need to work the Eighth Step. With the help we have received, we start to develop a realistic view of where our responsibility truly began and ended.
Before we proceed in making a list, it is important that we understand what the word "harm" means in the context of the Eighth Step. We may be inclined to think of harm only in terms of physical suffering. However, there are many different forms of harm: causing mental anguish, property damage or loss, inflicting long-lasting emotional scars, betraying trust, and so forth. Though we may exclaim, "But I never meant to hurt anyone!", this is beside the point. We are responsible for the harm we caused no matter what our intentions were. Any time when people were hurt in any way because of something we did, they were harmed. To gain a better understanding of how we may have harmed people, we may want to "put ourselves in their shoes." If we can imagine what it felt like to be the victim of our reckless disregard for those around us, we shouldn't have any trouble adding those names to our list.
In addition to understanding what harm means, we also need to understand what "make amends" means. This step does not say that we become willing to say we're sorry, although that may be a part of our amends. Most of the people we've hurt have probably heard us say I'm sorry" enough to last a lifetime. In truth, we are becoming willing to do anything possible to repair the damage we've done, particularly by changing our behavior.
There may be instances in which we inflicted harm so severe that the situation simply can't be set right. This may be readily apparent as we look at our relationships with those who have been in our lives for quite some time. Over the years, we have involved our families, partners. and long-term friends in one painful situation after another. Even though we can't undo the past. our experience has shown that we still need to look at what we've done and acknowledge the damage we've caused. Despite the impossibility of changing what happened. we can start to make amends by not repeating the same behavior.
Accepting the harm we caused, being truly sorry, and becoming willing to go to any lengths to change is a painful process. But we need not fear our growing pains, for our acknowledgment of these truths helps us continue our spiritual awakening. Simply accepting the harm we caused increases our humility. Being truly sorry is a clear indication that our self-centeredness has diminished. Willing to go to any lengths to change. we are newly inspired.
Some of our willingness will come about simply by writing our amends list. We will have the opportunity to face the harm we've done. Some of us. after writing the name of a person to whom we owe amends and what we did to harm that person, have added plans for how we intend to make amends. Planning how we are going to make amends may help increase our willingness as we see that we do have the potential to repair the harm we've caused.
We want to become willing to make the amends we owe, and we do whatever it takes to gain that willingness. If we find ourselves engaging in debates with ourselves or getting caught up in assessing the exact level of willingness we need, we can lay these counter-productive thoughts aside by making a conscious decision to pray for willingness. We may still be slightly hesitant, but we do the best we can. Our recovery is at stake. If we want to continue with our recovery, we must make amends.
We ask God to help us find the willingness to make our amends. Praying for willingness takes our relationship with the God of our understanding a step further. In the Seventh Step. we furthered our personal relationship with our Higher Power by asking for freedom from our shortcomings. Now we trust that Power to provide us with whatever we need to work the Eighth Step. Our commitment to recovery includes becoming ready to go as far as we must.
A Higher Power is working in our lives. preparing us to be of service to others. The changes brought about by that Power are evidenced by our changing attitudes and actions. We are developing the ability to choose spiritual principles over character defects and recovery over addiction. We have a fresh outlook on life, and we know that we are responsible for what we do. We no longer feel constant regret over the harm we caused in the past. Simply understanding how badly we've hurt people. being truly sorry for the pain we've caused. and becoming willing to let them know of our desire to make things right are the keys to freedom from our past. Though we have yet to make peace with others. we've come a long way toward making peace with ourselves. With our new perspective. our trust in the God of our understanding, and our willingness. we go on to Step Nine.
Copyright © 1993, Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc.